Today has been an emotional day. Today is the day that Amy's birth mother left her to be found. I will never know the exact day that she was born, only her birth mother will know that day and hold it in her heart forever, but today is the first definate date I have, and the only day that I share with her birth mother, the day she lost a daughter and the day I gained one. What was going through her mind today - 4 years ago?? Its not very long really is it? I have been so tearful today, feeling her birth mothers pain, feeling the pain that is to come for my little girl as she one day understands and works through the pain of this day for her, the reality of it all, the loss, the trauma.
Amy was estimated to be 6 weeks old. I work with LOTS of babies every week, as I teach mother and baby swimming and no two 6 week old babies look the same. I have in my classes a 3 week old baby that looks 3 months old and a 6 month old baby that is so tiny and barely looks 6 weeks old. Who can tell really?? And why did her mother keep her for so long? Was she forced to give her up, or did she put it off and stay in hiding for as long as possible? Did she know about the benefits of breastfeeding for the first 6 weeks and hold out till then? How do youlove a baby for 6 weeks and then leave her in a park early on a October morning? I have been praying for this special woman all day, feeling her pain and her loss. Praying that she will know her daughter is loved and happy.
Four years ago today I was in China, with Daniel - who was only 10 at the time, and I was loving a room full of 4- 6 month old babies. I remember nuzzling my nose into the neck of one I had nick-named squishy baby and praying for my own baby, feeling so so close to her, and there while I was there praying.... in China, with my heart breaking for the babies I was loving, my own daughter was spending her last days with her birth mother. It is a mind blowing thought and has had me blubbering all day.
After doing some obligatory chores this morning, we took the kids to the zoo, and then up to Cromer beach for an ice-cream. I wanted Amy to have a good day, a special day, to have fun. I explained to the boys why mommy was so teary today, but I did not say anything to her - what do you say? How do you explain to a 4 year old? So, we celebrated having this amazing girl in our lives and had a fun day!
I am sure that there will be many a tough day when she will need to mourn what has happened - and her mom understands all about the need to mourn at the moment!We have a weeks holidays here in the UK and Colin is off, so we want to attempt a de-clutter and a week of family fun. Anyway, just wanted to share about our day......
God Bless










